Dear Santa

I found this while looking for something else, as you do. I guess it dates to last year or the one before...

Dear Santa

I have been a very good author this year. I got all my edits back in time. I prepared my conference panel in advance and wasn’t rude to the audience. I didn’t envy other authors who sold more than I did. And I didn’t even rant about that 1 star review on Goodreads where the reviewer had clearly not read my book.

Therefore I present the following for your favourable consideration:

1. I would like a really good, widely appealing plot bunny. You know the sort of thing: boy with glasses goes to wizard school; balding, vain, moustachioed Belgian policeman solves country house murders. NB. Tell your elves that I don’t want plot bunnies about two hot men playing rugby. I have plenty of those already.

2. I would like my book to be picked up for a TV adaptation. Please could you arrange for it to be BBC or – at a pinch – ITV, and not to be one of these “based on” jobs. Please instruct your elves that my two MCs are a blond, well built chap and a tall, lean, dark chap, both of them with cut glass English accents. I don’t expect them to be played by Bradley Cooper and Paris Hilton.

3. I would like to meet Maro Itoje. I know that’s nothing to do with writing but…

And finally...if it isn’t too much trouble, could you arrange that any time somebody at an “author reading” event goes over their allotted five minutes of reading time, they immediately get struck with laryngitis. It would be easiest for everyone.

Many thanks

A N Author

Lessons in Chasing the Wild Goose on offer

For just seven days you can get your mitts on a bargain - Jonty and Orlando chasing a metaphorical wild goose. Do they succeed?