International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia

[charlie_cochrane]

The International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia is today and, once again, the blog hop is on from 17th to 27th May to mark the event.



Last year I blogged about the freelance training I do and how the UK has laws in place to guard the interests of LGBTQ people. Of course (and alas) you can’t legislate for what goes on in people’s minds. It was with great sorrow I read this, about a transgender teacher who’d taken her own life.

The newspaper implicated there is one I banned from our house as of last year, as they were so negative about the Olympics. They have a history of writing spurious stories - even during WWI they were regarded as unreliable – and they have their seemingly homophobic moments.

But I’m not going to rant about them; I’m focussing on something they said in support of their stance: “echoed the parents’ concerns about whether it was right for children to have to confront complex gender problems at such a vulnerable young age”. You see, in my experience (as parent, governor, trainer, friend, etc) children are more than capable of dealing with complex issues and tend to be incredibly inclusive, as well as being “blind” to difference.

I recall a conversation years ago a friend had with her child about a girl in his class.
Mum: Did you play with Sunita today?
Him: She wasn’t at school.
Mum: She was. I saw her.
Him: Oh. She must have had her hair differently so I didn’t recognise her.
Sunita was the only black child in his class and possibly in the whole school.

In the same way, I've heard of schools celebrating difference in their children, talking about Down’s syndrome, and the pupils not at all making the connection that some of their mates were Down’s children. Because they’re not labelled, they're just Jonny or Kirsty or whatever.

So where does that “blindness” go? I'm convinced that they’re heavily influenced by the adults around them, who are the ones who see difference and have such an issue with it.

So maybe “the parents’ concerns about whether it was right for children to have to confront complex gender problems at such a vulnerable young age” are really the parents’ concerns that their children will either grow up accepting of gender variation or will ask them awkward questions to which they’ll have no sensible answer. And they’ll have to face their own attitude towards complex gender problems.

My giveaway is a donation in the name of a commenter to Albert Kennedy Trust, and any e-book from my back catalogue.

Comments

[anteros-lmc.livejournal.com]

What a tragic story. Yet again I'm astounded to the depths to which that rag can sink.


I absolutely agree with your comments about children, though I'm not sure it's blindness so much as greater willingness to accept difference. After all, children have a natural curiosity, but once that is satisfied they are generally hugely accepting of difference. I try not to discourage toots from asking questions about people who appear different from her for what ever reason, (while reminding her not to ask what might be hurtful questions within ear shot) and try to answer these questions as sensibly as possible. Of course she already knows that girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys if they want and she is adamant that when she grows up she will live with her girlfriend! :)

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

Hugely accepting indeed.

You're a very sensible parent. You have to allow the wains to ask/talk about anything (so long as they ask at the right time). And Ros will be delighted to know that toots is not intending to pair with Msr Gray.

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking part in the hop!

kimberlyFDR@yahoo.com

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

My pleasure!

[ericapike.livejournal.com]

I'm always open and honest with my soon-to-be 6 year old boys. When we're talking about crushes, or having babies, or marriages, I always remind them that it can be boy-and-boy or girl-and-girl, too.

They're starting school this fall and there'll be a gender non-conforming boy in their year. I've seen him on a trampoline in a pink dress with a pink wig. A kid in the playground snickered at the boy (he has an older brother who's talked about this boy who likes "girl things"), but I felt so bad for the boy on the trampoline. He's going to have it tough as he grows older, living in a small town. I'm going to do my best to make sure that my boys accept him as he is, I've already sowed the seeds. They're not too young to learn about such "complexities", because those "complexities" are a reality.

Erica Pike
eripike at gmail dot com

[helenajust.livejournal.com]

I banned that paper decades ago. I don't believe for a moment that RL was at all concerned with the children's well-being, or that he actually listened to what parents thought (any parent who wanted to say something he didn't want to hear wouldn't have been recorded).

I agree absolutely that children aren't born with prejudices and discrimination. That is learnt behaviour, and that rag is happy to do the teaching.

I'm asking Waitrose why it is one of the two papers which they give away free with their loyalty card. I don't like the other paper either, but at least it has some integrity.

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

That's absolutely the way forward. Talk to the children, help them to be open minded. Make your home a place where he can be and be himself. (Oh, the string of not-out-to-family young lads we've had in the house, care of our girls. *g*)

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

Clearly they didn't listen, as there's a bit in the article about parents with positive comments not being listened to.

It all makes my blood boil...

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

My experience is that gender variant children will be gender variant from the day they're born, so they will never have the option of not having to confront it at an early age. Other children will be wondering what's up with them from day one.

If you don't mention it until the other children are grown up, it just means that you have waited until they have had a thorough conditioning in what society considers normal and will be less able to cope with it when it does come up.

[eglantine-br.livejournal.com]

My son once played on the beach all day with another child. They were about 3. They did sandcastles, and running and jumping, and splashing and paddling and fish-bothering. They were both naked, all day long.

At the end of the day as I was tucking him in he said 'I had a lot of fun with that boy.'

I was pretty flummoxed. The other child was a girl.

What he had noticed was that the other kid was fun to play with. Had she been clothed and introduced as a girl he would have known she was one, I am sure.

[eglantine-br.livejournal.com]

When we lived in Florida and C was small we had a grocery store near us where there was a man with Down's syndrome who bagged groceries. He always took the time to say something nice to little C. We always picked his check-out line when we could.

Because of his condition his speech was a little hesitant and just sounded different.

Out of earshot, one day, C asked me 'Is he French?'

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

Yes. This. Feeling that you're different needs addressing from both sides (if that makes sense). That's why I love the fact that so many schools are embracing and celebrating difference. (The Down's story comes from a church school, which is especially heartening.)

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

What a little star. Yes, play is more important than dangly bits.

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

LOLZ! I love it.

[eglantine-br.livejournal.com]

Indeed.

Also, the very best sort of day for little ones. (Wears them right out too.)

[anteros-lmc.livejournal.com]

Sometimes clothes have a lot to answer for! Sounds like a perfect childhood day to me. There is nothing better than naked fish bothering at that age. Or indeed any day!

Hop

[sophia rose (from livejournal.com)]

Hi Charlie!

You are so right about children. I taught preschool for eight years and they kept telling us to teach diversity and I used to laugh because young children already accept diversity just fine. Its getting them to understand other things like hygiene that you have to concern yourself over. ;D I know for a fact that every time I had to address unkind words or wrong thinking that it was through an older child or parent's influence.

Thanks for participating in the hop and for the giveaway opportunity.
sophiarose1816 at gmail dot com

[brenopa.livejournal.com]

A change is gonna come! We are witnessing the beginning stages of the change, and those states are often painful. But I'm ancient enough to see a vast difference. That's not moving fast enough. But still!
Urbanista
brendurbanist @gmail .com

[jpadawan11.livejournal.com]

That is really sad. There are so many resources out there to help combat prejudice in kids and it is all for naught. Thank you for doing the hop!

Beth
JPadawan11@gmail.com

Hop

[readmorromance.livejournal.com]

What a sad and tragic story. I abhor the media....more and more they have become invasive in peoples personal lives...not just "movie stars" but anyone they can find to trash...I hate it! I no longer watch the news or read a paper. I see stories on the internet with positive topics and will read those.

I must confess to being from the US so I am not familiar with that particular paper...thank goodness....and some of y'all's slang is over my head...*grin* but, I enjoyed the comments...

I thank you for sharing and for including in your giveaway a donation to a cause that you feel strongly about. I, also, thank you for participating in the Hop!

hugs from your fan,
jo
johannasnodgrass(at)yahoo(dot)com

[rapidess.livejournal.com]

Wish we didn´t need a "day against"

[lisat131 - aisa blog (from livejournal.com)]

Without a doubt Charlie, hate begins at home. Children are not born being judgmental. Parents need to step back and think about the biases they are teaching their kids. Thought provoking post.
:)
L

[stevie-carroll.livejournal.com]

We discussed that case elsewhere on LJ a while back. The best theory on what the kids would think, was that they'd wonder whether 'Miss' would gve them more or less homework to do than 'Sir' had given them.

I wonder if any of the eCard people do one that would work for a Happy International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. I know it's a day late, but I owe a card to one of my exes who was talking about transitioning.

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

I shall pass on the naked (I look like I'm wearing a wrinkled pink track suit) but I shall fish bother to my dying day!

Re: Hop

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

Or teaching them to get changed into PE clothes without someone doing it for them!

every time I had to address unkind words or wrong thinking that it was through an older child or parent's influence
Yes. Exactly.